Honoring Your Parents: How Long Should You Stay Married?

This may seem like an odd question, but have you ever thought about how long you should stay married? The traditional idea, and what you often hear in wedding vows, is “til death do us part.” My parents certainly came from that school of thought. They fought until the bitter end, and then death did indeed separate them into their respective corners (the boxing analogy says it all).

Is this the path you would choose for your own marriage? Would you recommend it to your children? I wouldn’t. Why would you?

When Relationships Go Wrong

Some people in a relationship are like oil and water; they never quite mix. In some cases, they may even be as explosive as gasoline and fire. Regardless, they have their reasons for staying together.

According to Huffington Post, finances are one of the top ten reasons people stay in an unhealthy marriage. (1) It can be daunting to consider not only paying for a divorce, but also dividing all the shared financial interests. Others stay together due to insecurity and fear of succeeding on their own. Then, there are those who have unhealthy mindsets of guilt, over-dependence or manipulation that lock them into bad relationships.

But despite the reason, is it worth it to stay in such a relationship? In my conversations with my parents, elder relatives, and personal and business contacts through the years, I have heard some heart-wrenching stories about people blowing up their marriages when they arrive at the golden years of their life. You would be shocked to know that I have come across situations of murder, suicide, rampant cheating, and plenty of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse.

Sadly, I have no answers or keen insight as to why people stay married and torture each other in this way. But I can identify several principles for living that can prevent your marriage from going down a tragic road. Since I am passionate about martial arts, consider these my tips for marriage self-defense:

1. Never Accept Second-Rate Treatment

No one person is better than another. We all deserve to be treated with respect and kindness as human beings. While there are hierarchies and power dynamics in every relationship, such as inequalities in income and social position, none of these factors makes somebody a lesser person. If somebody starts treating you in this way, correct the situation immediately. Don’t let it become a habit.

2. Commit To Self-Improvement

You won’t become a master at assertiveness or communication overnight. It takes work, sacrifice, and commitment. And it’s not just a question of protecting yourself from bullying; you need to make sure you don’t become a bully yourself and add fuel to the fire. You must find a way to embrace peaceful coexistence in your heart and try to steer your partner to do the same. Any act of self-defense on your part has to be focused on putting an end to the fighting.

3. Be Self-Sufficient

Hopefully, your relationship will work out. But sometimes that doesn’t happen. If you find yourself in that situation, then you need to be prepared to leave and start over. You can do this by having your own money, opening your own accounts, and coming up with a Plan B.  Even if you are in a season of not working or staying home taking care of family responsibilities, you can take steps to put yourself in a position to succeed. Brainstorm ideas of what you could do if you had to end the relationship and start out on your own. Even if you never make the move, having that kind of leverage and confidence could cause your bad apple spouse to back off.

No one wants to think about their relationship imploding, but it does happen. Before things go too far down an unhealthy path, look at ways you could defend yourself and turn the situation around. Examine your life and your future and be excited, not depressed or anxious. Have you been through this? Do you have questions about ways you can protect yourself or set yourself up for a favorable future? Ask anything at skobrin@stevenkobrin.com.

About Steve

Steven Kobrin is a life insurance expert with 25 years experience. He serves high net-worth individuals and business owners as well as high risk and uninsurable “impaired cases.” Steven offers concierge life insurance process to ensure the policy is approved as it’s quoted. To learn more, visit his website, read his blog, connect with him on LinkedIn, or request a policy audit today by calling his office at (866) 633-1818 or by email at skobrin@stevenkobrin.com. Steven is a contributor to Investopedia, view his profile here.

_______

(1) http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/15/why-people-stay-in-unhappy-marriages_n_6330292.html

 

Want to learn more?
Read my free guide, How To Get Great Life Insurance Rates and learn how you can get life insurance companies to compete for your business, at no risk or extra cost.

Why You MUST Change Your Life Insurance Beneficiary When Getting Divorced

29894340172_1f9c654e89_nCertified Divorce Financial Analyst™, Michelle Ash has a must-read article about financial issues after divorce in womensdivorce.com. Here’s an overview:

The divorce is finally over, the decisions have been made, and now life proceeds anew for the client. But it’s never really that easy, is it? For the newly-divorced client, the legal work may be done, but there’s often a long list of financial clean-up that lies ahead.

Expert advice

As a life insurance broker, I pay special attention when experts offer advice on how to avoid troubles with your policy. Michelle points to a big one regarding the need to change the beneficiary designation when the divorce is finalized:

According to estate planning attorney C. Randolph Coleman of The Coleman Law Firm, “There usually are a half dozen cases during a typical year where someone will call and ask whether there is anything they can do to avoid the ex-spouse of their recently deceased spouse, parent, child or sibling, from taking the life insurance or retirement plan that the ex-spouse was still the beneficiary designated on the decedent’s plans/policies. The short answer, there is nothing you can do. The beneficiary designation will trump the will or intestacy every time.”

Again from estate planning attorney, C. Randolph Coleman, “I probably see about 6 or 8 people a year who typically come in for estate planning 4 to 5 years after a divorce to ‘finally get around’ to updating their estate planning. Usually, during the course of our discussions I will suggest to them that they go back to their employer and check on the beneficiary designations for their life insurance and retirement plans. Invariably, about half of them will call back and tell me how much they appreciate the counsel to check because their ex-spouse remained their beneficiary.”

A big takeaway

One take away from the story is this: if you wait for a life event to prompt an update of your policy, you may end up doing too little too late. This problem can be avoided if you get into the practice of conducting regular audits of your policy. Policy audits can frequently head off trouble at the pass. To learn more, read here.

What about your policy?

What about your life insurance policy? Is the beneficiary designation is current?
Please feel free to comment, or to contact me directly with a specific question.

If you need a quote now, or a second opinion on a quote you have received, the best thing to do is to call me toll-free at (866) 633-1818. Or email me at skobrin@stevenkobrin.com. I also encourage you to download my free Life Insurance Guide – see the above tab. Many people have found it to be extremely educational.

 

Want to learn more?
Read my free guide, How To Get Great Life Insurance Rates and learn how you can get life insurance companies to compete for your business, at no risk or extra cost.

Recent posts, including “Can I Get Life Insurance On My Ex?”

recent-posts2Here are some of my recent posts on the topics of life and life insurance.
As you can imagine, these two topics are very intertwined.

Feel free to comment and pass on. Thank you!

 

“Can You Take Out Life Insurance On Anyone?”
http://www.insurancelibrary.com/life-insurance/can-you-take-out-life-insurance-on-anyone#comment-27317

“Should I pay my cryopreservation cash or via life insurance?”
http://www.quora.com/Should-I-pay-my-cryopreservation-cash-or-via-life-insurance/answer/Steve-Kobrin-1

“What Is Key Employee Life Insurance?”
http://www.insurancelibrary.com/life-insurance/what-is-key-employee-life-insurance#comment-27320

“My mother passed away recently, and I had nothing but a mortgage and $25,000 of life insurance. I’m a 20 year old with one more year of college left, and I have a stable job and I can support myself. What should I do?”
http://www.quora.com/My-mother-passed-away-recently-and-I-had-nothing-but-a-mortgage-and-25-000-of-life-insurance-Im-a-20-year-old-with-one-more-year-of-college-left-and-I-have-a-stable-job-and-I-can-support-myself-What-should-I-do/answer/Steve-Kobrin-1

“What are the pros and cons of going to college?”
http://www.quora.com/What-are-the-pros-and-cons-of-going-to-college/answer/Steve-Kobrin-1

“What Is An Endowment Plan In Life Insurance?”
http://www.insurancelibrary.com/life-insurance/what-is-a-endowment-plan-in-life-insurance#comment-27337

“How do I deal with dishonest people who promise one thing to my face and do something completely different behind my back?”
http://www.quora.com/How-do-I-deal-with-dishonest-people-who-promise-one-thing-to-my-face-and-do-something-completely-different-behind-my-back/answer/Steve-Kobrin-1

“How To Use Life Insurance For Estate Planning?”
http://www.insurancelibrary.com/life-insurance/how-to-use-life-insurance-for-estate-planning#comment-27339

“How Is AD&D Different From Life Insurance?”
http://www.insurancelibrary.com/life-insurance/how-is-add-different-from-life-insurance#comment-27346

“Who Should Be Trustee Of Irrevocable Life Insurance Trust?”
http://www.insurancelibrary.com/life-insurance/who-should-be-trustee-of-irrevocable-life-insurance-trust#comment-27361

“How Do You Renew Term Life Insurance?”
http://www.insurancelibrary.com/life-insurance/how-do-you-renew-term-life-insurance#comment-27362

“Investment insurance: How can get insurance when I Invest in Startup?”
http://www.quora.com/Investment-insurance-How-can-get-insurance-when-I-Invest-in-Startup/answer/Steve-Kobrin-1

“What can I do in the US, while still alive, to make sure that the life insurance company will not renege on payoff to my spouse?”
http://www.quora.com/What-can-I-do-in-the-US-while-still-alive-to-make-sure-that-the-life-insurance-company-will-not-renege-on-payoff-to-my-spouse/answer/Steve-Kobrin-1

“Why Does Everyone Need Health Insurance?”
http://www.insurancelibrary.com/health-insurance/why-does-everyone-need-health-insura

“Can I Get Life Insurance on My Ex?”

http://www.insurancelibrary.com/life-insurance/can-i-get-life-insurance-on-my-ex#comment-27322

 

Want to learn more?
Read my free guide, How To Get Great Life Insurance Rates and learn how you can get life insurance companies to compete for your business, at no risk or extra cost.